I keep getting this exceedingly edgy feeling.

I have to go back to my apartment because of my work. However, I keep thinking that if I stay my parents would back me up and I would always have my job when I want to go back.

That's not the deal anymore. My home is someplace else now, and it feels like going back i'm being ripped away from my parents. I have this thing where i should be around people that I care immensely about. Whereas,  in Orlando  I feel really alone.

oh by the way, http://monsherye.tumblr.com/look at that I spent some time today making it look pretty.

beethoven

Apparently, Ludwig Beethoven was a romantic. Writing the greatest love letters of all time. When war and little transportation drifted two people apart letters were there to keep them a live. Very well thought out, beautiful love letters. Here's one of my favorites:

Good morning, on July 7

     Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - 
     I can live only wholly with you or not at all - 
     Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - 
     Yes, unhappily it must be so - 
     You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
     Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. 
     And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - 
     Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - 
     At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? 
     My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - 
     Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - 
     Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. 
     Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. 
     ever thine
     ever mine
     ever ours

L.

Something I found in my live journal today

it really is a recap, i feel like im not handling this too well. 

just remember the start: 

garden state, the chicago postcard you gave me where you drew me and you making snow angels in the snow, the second day you got back from NewYork in Jan06, dancing and singing to "teenage wasteland" in your car on the way to freddys, feeling secure on an airplane with you, driving down to Gateway in Ft.Laud just to see indie movies, staying after movies to watch the credits and discuss its flaws, the days i would secretly sleep over your house, driving you home from school everyday, driving down to eat those pitas in aventura even though ireally didn't like them they made you happy, when you gave me two kinds of creme brulee for my birthday, everytime we went to grand lux, coming over to watch colbert report and jon stewart every night basically, how proud i was to watch you on stage, when you sang to me at cypress bay idol, the day you got back from london :(:( ( i missed you a lot), the day i got my necklace( i loved it ), going to newyork for the first time with you, when we both shared a revolving door in the subway(haha), 4th of july laying on the beach listening to jon brion on your cellphone, just knowing that i had a <3 next to my name everytime i called, when you looked me in the eye and smile,everytime we fell asleep together, the day you fell in the shower on the shower curtain (i know for you it was embarrasing when i look back it made me smile cause i loved everything about you), my 19th birthday, prom was my last real memory cause we got to dance.

dream on

it would've been great.

Ah, Band Of Horses :) love it.

I went to temple today!

Mazal Tov!!1

hoya hoya hoyraajruwj

im tiiiired

i know love is a place

once you step out of it reality sets in and it's so dark yet clear.

in love everything is tunnel vision where you feel like you are aspiring to something great

it grows and everything outside your little bubble can crumble and you can handle it much better

then ever before.

once its gone you feel like excitement is gone, only knives can live in your stomach, the butterflies moved on.

I love this place and I never want to leave it. I just wish I could wake up to what gives me that feeling.

I wanted you to tell me that Florida really is a nice place, you found yourself here because here you fell in love.

Yes, I believe love is a place.