I keep getting this exceedingly edgy feeling.

I have to go back to my apartment because of my work. However, I keep thinking that if I stay my parents would back me up and I would always have my job when I want to go back.

That's not the deal anymore. My home is someplace else now, and it feels like going back i'm being ripped away from my parents. I have this thing where i should be around people that I care immensely about. Whereas,  in Orlando  I feel really alone.

oh by the way, http://monsherye.tumblr.com/look at that I spent some time today making it look pretty.

beethoven

Apparently, Ludwig Beethoven was a romantic. Writing the greatest love letters of all time. When war and little transportation drifted two people apart letters were there to keep them a live. Very well thought out, beautiful love letters. Here's one of my favorites:

Good morning, on July 7

     Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - 
     I can live only wholly with you or not at all - 
     Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - 
     Yes, unhappily it must be so - 
     You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never -
     Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. 
     And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - 
     Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - 
     At my age I need a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? 
     My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - 
     Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - 
     Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. 
     Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. 
     ever thine
     ever mine
     ever ours

L.

Something I found in my live journal today

it really is a recap, i feel like im not handling this too well. 

just remember the start: 

garden state, the chicago postcard you gave me where you drew me and you making snow angels in the snow, the second day you got back from NewYork in Jan06, dancing and singing to "teenage wasteland" in your car on the way to freddys, feeling secure on an airplane with you, driving down to Gateway in Ft.Laud just to see indie movies, staying after movies to watch the credits and discuss its flaws, the days i would secretly sleep over your house, driving you home from school everyday, driving down to eat those pitas in aventura even though ireally didn't like them they made you happy, when you gave me two kinds of creme brulee for my birthday, everytime we went to grand lux, coming over to watch colbert report and jon stewart every night basically, how proud i was to watch you on stage, when you sang to me at cypress bay idol, the day you got back from london :(:( ( i missed you a lot), the day i got my necklace( i loved it ), going to newyork for the first time with you, when we both shared a revolving door in the subway(haha), 4th of july laying on the beach listening to jon brion on your cellphone, just knowing that i had a <3 next to my name everytime i called, when you looked me in the eye and smile,everytime we fell asleep together, the day you fell in the shower on the shower curtain (i know for you it was embarrasing when i look back it made me smile cause i loved everything about you), my 19th birthday, prom was my last real memory cause we got to dance.

dream on

it would've been great.

Ah, Band Of Horses :) love it.

I went to temple today!

Mazal Tov!!1

hoya hoya hoyraajruwj

im tiiiired

i know love is a place

once you step out of it reality sets in and it's so dark yet clear.

in love everything is tunnel vision where you feel like you are aspiring to something great

it grows and everything outside your little bubble can crumble and you can handle it much better

then ever before.

once its gone you feel like excitement is gone, only knives can live in your stomach, the butterflies moved on.

I love this place and I never want to leave it. I just wish I could wake up to what gives me that feeling.

I wanted you to tell me that Florida really is a nice place, you found yourself here because here you fell in love.

Yes, I believe love is a place.

i'm back in florida, heres a memory. I put this one up cause he liked it better, but I like his smile.

we'll go backwards

what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see
the streets you’re walking on a thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong and you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

:D

ive been in Chicago for quite some time and it has been very heart warming, I have been feeling cold everyday.. cause well it is, but my heart is very very warm. My legs hurt and my feet hurt but this burning keeps me going. Running after busses, sharing spaces in the subway, scrounging for food, sharing stories. How do you catch up with four months in a week? I still haven't figured this out, I feel like it would take a lifetime! In this apartment are creaky floors and dancing feet, creek creeek spin me around to this music, i feel loved.

It was familiar to me
The smoke too thick to breathe
The tile floors glistened
I slowly stirred my drink

all i need

i feel so so cheesy but i love it

My boyfriend said the cutest thing to me last night. 

He told me that the moment he will always get butterflies is when he picks me up at the airport in Chicago. He said that the last time he saw me walking up to him in my little black coat I looked like an angel and he got butterflies. It's called zsa zsa zsu (i watch sex and the city too much). It made me smile, he makes me feel so little I could fit in his hands and he would cherish me forever :)

Chicago in 11 days.

 

Everything is Illuminated

Sunday was interesting... please let me elaborate.

I had to open at work at 7am ... I went to leave 5 min before I have to be there (like always)

and my car doesn't start. For the past few days it sounded like it was having a hard time starting.. and then finally this morning it died.  I had to wake up my roommate (she wasn't very happy the sun wasn't even up) and she had to take me to work. You should have seen me trying to jump start a car... I had to call my neighbor to come over and do it. I felt dumb haaaa. But yeah, the problem was... my battery to my car has not been changed since 1997 so it had it coming. At first I thought my car completelyyyy died... then I got scared, cause I cannot afford a new one and I need to drive home next Wednesday (i'm also scared about that). 

As everyone packs up and moves away, it's kinda sad. It's said that my neighbors Ash, Nikki, and Adrienne won't be a walk away. They are moving to a house, which I should be doing, however, I kind of still want an apartment. Ahhhh 

13 days until Chicago.

Rick Danko, Janis Joplin, and Jerry Garcia

hahah

it's all over now baby blue

Me: Hey Alex what you been up to?

Alex: not much i snuck into gradbash last night.

lmao.

it's something unattainable that you can't live without

Everything is connected and everything matters now isn't that cool? :)

:):):):)

:)

Beach!

imagine whirled peace

a tasty suggestionnnnn :9

Cheer up Bret!

My day was prettay good, work was a breeze... I need to buy new work pants for the new publix uniform ugh... school is almost done. :)

annndd im sleepy im going to go to sleep.

I'll just sit and stare at my deep blue walls
Until I can see nothing at all
Only particles, some fast, some slow
All my eyes can see is all I know
But I'm about to give this one more shot
And find it in myself
I'll find it in myself

So i'm stuck here until May 7th because of my job.

However, I am enjoying my friends and school coming to an end.

It's pretty sad that my neighbors are moving to another place and Nima may not come back to Orlando. Oh welll.

There's a spider on my wall and I hate spiders but since this one is the size of a pea I will let it live.

Things are looking up, I go to Chicago soon, I hope Tohm doesn't have to work when I go there.

I'm going to run a mile soon, i'm going to be hurtinggg tomorrow.

pancakes

"I went to denny's and i see the menu and there is this delicious stack of pancakes, so I eat them for a while and they are really good, but then after the third pancake I get sick. I stop going to Denny's but after a while I come back and I see the pancakes and I forget how they make me sick. The cycle continues and I keep going back for more. Thus, relationships are like pancakes." -Alex Oviedo

I think last night was the funniest night ever and Alex's pancake speech had me rolling on the floor hysterically.

this album and this song in particular makes me smile each and every time I play it in my car.

SERIOUSLY

i miss being picked up and swept off my feet.

it makes me feel little and loved. 

if that makes sense?

We get totally caught up in our lives forgetting what has always been important to us.

School, Work, these fickle careers; we get all caught up in them

and oh money, it's all about the money. Why does it put your happiness at stake? 

Why can't we all love in-conditionally, why can't we relive highschool, where we snuck around

we knew it was bad but we had so much fun doing it

I'm speaking indirectly. Not completely directed towards me. God knows I have had my fun. 

I miss being careless and free. Where love and only love can lift you up and bring you down.

What is it with family and financial problems.

Remember when you lived at home and you just wanted to pack up and leave? 

Well, I did that, I don't even live home anymore, i'm in a crappy apartment in orlando and I want to pack up and leave. I'm sick of feeling alone. Work tomorrow at 11am, I work with people who enjoy orlando, how great is that? I just want to get out, maybe it's just Florida all together? I've done all the running I can take.

pitter patter goes my heart

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.

i miss you.

1

I force myself into bed around 5am. I start to realize a case of insomnia makes you feel lonely 

On better days I can turn to my right and expect to see you there. Well, I wouldn't actually see you... it would always be pitch black in your room. Which was great because seeing kurt cobains cold eye peaking through his stringy long hair scared me, I think I told you that once or twice. My bed is too big for me, i need something next to me... catch my drift?  At night, glow-in-the-dark stars light up on my ceiling. I didn't stick them up there, but I appreciate whoever did.  Star gazing in the comfort of my ... desolation. As the sun comes up around 7ish I start to make shapes out of the popcorn on my ceiling. Those are my clouds I suppose. Since you have moved away I don't get out much anymore, can you tell?